Thursday, June 9, 2016

If You Work Through Your Lunch, There's a Decent Chance You Have Some Bodies Buried in Your Backyard*

I hate almost everything about my current job. Working on a construction site is just not my thing, even though I've done it for like 6 straight summers. I hate dirt, I hate getting dirty, I hate having dry hands all the time, I hate wearing work boots, I hate being a fucking peasant all the time. With that being said, the thing I might hate the worst is how so many people that I work with have no regard for lunch time or for people who want to exercise their lawful right to take a 30 minute lunch for work. It's incredible. Lunch is the single best 30 minutes of your life every time you take it. Every day, work gets shittier and shittier. And therefore, lunch gets more glorious every day. And because of lunch being the best thing ever, I have no other choice but to assume that if you don't take lunch at work, or if you assign the most dispensable workers on the site a billion tasks at 11:58 you probably have some murdered bodies buried in your backyard. Because you are a fucking psychopath. Not enjoying 30 minutes of time to eat and not being told what to do with your stupid life is insane. Why the hell would you work through lunch? As soon as my alarm goes off at 6 am every day, I begin dreaming about lunch. The first 6 hours of the day can kick rocks as soon as 12 rolls around. Lunch is the god damn best thing of all time, and if you don't take it you can buy a one way ticket to Fuckoffville. Furthermore, if you inhibit your coworkers from taking lunch because you can tell them what to do, you can go die in a fucking hole and never be found. Because I hate your guts. If you couldn't guess why I'm writing this, it's because I had my lunch delayed by almost an hour today. Just doing one retarded task after another before I finally said fuck it and dropped everything and went to eat my lunch. There are rules on the job. You wear your hard hat, you wear your safety vest. You do what your told to do. You get to work at 7. And you take your fucking lunch like a god damn American. This isn't communist Russia. I'm gonna take my lunch whether you want to or not. That's so cool if you operate a machine and can just nibble on some snacks all day and don't really have to take lunch. But for us laborers, out here shoveling fucking dirt that really doesn't need to be shoveled. And leveling out gravel that you didn't feel like dealing with with your giant machine. For us peasants, lunch is what keeps us alive and working. You try to take lunch from us, we're gonna go find somewhere else to work (which I'm in the process of finding a job for actual humans) where they don't belittle lunch. See when I'm the only who takes lunch, I look like the asshole. I look like I'm not working, that I'm not doing my job. But in reality, the people working through lunch are the biggest fucking assholes on the planet. Because not only are you being a huge hardo and not eating, but you're pressuring other people to not take lunch or to hurry up their lunch. Which is why today, I took an extra long lunch, and told everyone to go pound sand. This blog is for Americans. If you're a commie and skip lunch, you probably stopped reading after the title because you're a fuck. Goodnight folks. Have a great lunch tomorrow

*Unless you're my dad. Because I'm pretty sure he forgets to eat lunch some days because he's so busy. And he doesn't have any bodies in the backyard. He's crazy, but not a psychopath.

No comments:

Post a Comment