Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Watermelon Stabber on the Loose

source- BANTAM, Conn. (AP) — A 49-year-old Thomaston man faces threatening charges after a woman told police he stabbed a watermelon in a passive-aggressive manner. Police say the woman had gone to police on July 4 to report finding drugs, including marijuana, in Cervellino’s tool box. He was not arrested. They say she later returned home to find the watermelon on the counter with a butcher’s knife in it. She reported that Cervellino then entered the room and began carving the watermelon. She called the incident passive-aggressive and menacing.

This is so weird. Guy gets arrested for carving a watermelon? What if he was just trying to make some fruit art? How can we trust the lady that he made threatening statements? Plus as long as he stabbed the watermelon and not her, it's all cool right? Kinda feel like the cops are just wasting their time on this one. I also feel like this could be an incredible scene out of Super Troopers. 

Know Your Target When You Rob Someone

source- Mayura Dissanayake was working his job as a gas station clerk in Houston, Texas on July 10th when some thieves picked the wrong victim. His coworker returned from a trip to the bank when three lowlifes jumped him in front of the store. Little did they know, the clerk inside had been a semi-pro MMA fighter for over ten years. “The first guy I saw, I just kicked him in the face. Then I punched the other guy.” Dissanayake recounts the fight as if he was making a ham sandwich. “When they were running back, I caught one guy with a hook. So he fell down. So they just left him.”

Just a friendly reminder that you should know your target when you attack someone. This really sucks for the guys that were trying to rob the store. So many guys rob convenience stores every day and nothing happens to them, then these guys try it and just get the piss beat out of them. As I always say, sucks to suck.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Woman Decapitates Neighbor

Woman decapitated neighbor as she begged for her life: prosecutors

NY Post: A Brooklyn woman decapitated her neighbor, a mother of four, as she begged for her life — and scattered the body parts across two Long Island counties, authorities said Thursday.
“No, Lee! No, Lee! What you doing? Oh no! Oh no! . . . I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” were the last words that Chinelle LaToya Thompson Browne cried out to Leah Cuevas, 42, during a July 5 fight over the rent, according to prosecutors.
The next thing their Brownsville neighbors heard were blood-curdling screams — as Cuevas hacked off Browne’s head with “a sharp instrument,” prosecutors said.
Cuevas then dismembered Browne, a Guyanese immigrant, and spread her limbs and torso across Nassau and Suffolk counties. Full Story Here
I saw this a few days ago and didn't get around to writing about it until now, but it absolutely needs to be addressed. This lady just assumes the job of landlord when the other one dies, doesn't run electricity or water, demands the rent and then chops people's heads off when they don't pay her. Pretty messed up stuff here. Even if this woman was the actual landlord you can't just slice up anyone who doesn't pay you. The authorities better start suspecting her of other murders or missing persons in the area because clearly she has some experience. Just spreading body parts throughout different counties and shit. Couldn't agree more with the husband here. This woman is an absolute beast and needs to be put in a cage somewhere while she waits to be put in the guillotine.

I have no idea what the country of Guyana is like but that has to suck for the husband and children of this victim. Guarantee they were getting out of Guyana to avoid shit like this because they thought America was a first world country and wouldn't have to deal with people like Leah Cuevas.

P.S. Maybe it's a good thing none of my friends wanted to go see Katy Perry the other night in Brooklyn....... Buuut I'll go to Boston this weekend to see her. Anyone?

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Bills Fan Gets 2015 Super Bowl Champs Tattoo

Fan Gets "Bills 2015 Super Bowl Champs" Tattoo (Photo)

I could talk about how stupid this is and how he's joining the other idiots who have gotten tattoos for championships before they actually win anything. But no, that's not what I'm gonna do because who can blame this guy? EJ Manuel to Sammy Watkins all day folks. Throw in a little CJ Spiller getting the rock and going to the house on every run and you got a football team. Honestly if a team besides the Packers is gonna win the Super Bowl, I hope it's the Bills. Love Sammy, he's gonna be an all time great. The dude's got unreal skills. Don't be surprised if this guy ends up looking like a genius at the end of the year.

Sammy stats prediction: 80 catches, 1400 yards, 12 TDs


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Grandmother/ Grandson Heroin Dealing Team

source- PLAINFIELD, Conn. (WTNH) — Police say they broke up a drug-dealing family.
A grandmother and her grandson are charged with heroin-related offenses, and another woman is charged with possession of heroin, possession of heroin with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia. Elaine Coffey, 65, the grandmother, is charged with possession of heroin, possession of heroin with intent to sell, possession of narcotics, possession of narcotics with intent to sell, failure to keep narcotics in a proper container and possession of drug paraphernalia. Nicholas Coffey, 24, is charged with conspiracy to commit possession of heroin, conspiracy to commit possession of heroin with intent to sell.
Most fun grandma of all time? Hey Grandma what do you wanna go do, get lunch, maybe go on a drive so you can look at farm animals? Nahhh lets sell some heroin. Absolute power moves by these guys. I would also loved to be a fly on the wall when these two first decided to deal heroin. I can't imagine asking my grandmother if she wants to get into dealing drugs with me none the less heroin. Fuck getting your toes wet with selling dimebags of weed, they're swan diving in. 
P.S.- Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks???

Kaner Demolishes Everyone In Beer League Game

source- We put up a post this afternoon about NHL players going home (like LeBron) to the team closest to their home town. Well Patrick Kane of the Chicago Blackhawks kinda did that. On Monday night he joined the Piranhas at a local rink in Buffalo where they proceeded to beat down the Essex St. Pub team 13-5.

This is awesome. I absolutely love Kane showing up to this game, probably shotgunned a beer or 15 before the game and just went out there and dangled EVERYONE. 
 The defender is just absolutely LOST here. I love everyone in the background just in awe. Nobody is back checking (who does in Beer League anyways?) and his teammate is just here for the show, not driving to the net or anything, just hanging out. Then you've got his other teammate out at the red line, he knows there's absolutely no need for him to go into the offensive zone, Kane is there. Save the energy, I respect it. 
How about this stat sheet? 10pts??? hahaha. Sucks to be the Essex team. I love how Kane evened out the stats to, equal amount of ginos and apples. Also how about Vinny Scarsella? He played 4 years of college puck and is now in the minors. Him against the beer leaguers was probably a pretty big skill differential and then Kane shows up and shows him up too. I played summer league last year with a guy who plays in the AHL and it was insane. I can't imagine having Kane playing against me as well as a guy that plays semi-pro. Do you think Essex even cared or were they just pumped to play against Kane?

P.S.- Anyone that says Kane shouldn't have gone out and skated and risked getting hurt is a huge idiot. There's not even checking in beer league and if there was, nobody would touch him. He was just going out there and doing what we loves. I respect it and if I was a pro athlete I'd do it all the time. Just go out there and have a blast. I'd also tell all my buddies to find a bookie and make some bets on the game so they could win big. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

First Yanks Rant of the Season

So I'm finally getting around to writing about the Yankees. I was finally able to go to a game last night and it was an ugly one so it gave me some motivation to write today. Anyone who knows me or follows me on Twitter (@marktheshark210) probably knows that I think Joe Girardi is easily one of the worst managers in the league, but I'll get to that a little later on.

I'm gonna focus on the positives first. Brett Gardner and Jacoby Ellsbury have been the best players New York this year. They get on base, they steal bases, they drive in runs consistently even though they're both basically lead-off hitters, and they don't give up any runs on defense. I never hated Ellsbury when he was on the Red Sox as much as guys like Pedroia and Ortiz and the other clowns they have over there in Boston. And since Ellsbury is playing well, it makes it easy to like him in Pinstripes. I was debating whether to get a Gardy or Jacoby player tee last night at the game and Ellsbury going yabo the inning before I went up to the stand made the decision for me. But they're both playing well. The other positive was Tanaka obviously but he's on the DL now so we'll see how that goes (praying for you Maz).

There's so many mediocre players on the team right now which is why the Yanks have been hovering right around .500 all year. Jeter, Tex, McCann, Beltran, Roberts, and Ichiro are all pretty average players this year and the third base situation has been abysmal ever since fuckstick Girardi took Yangervis Solarte out of the starting line-up even though he has more production than any of the other morons combined. And now they traded him today which nearly broke my heart. The guys a stud. He can't get out of his slump cause Girardi gave him 1 at bat every 10 games/sent him down to the Minors. But I'm almost happy at the same time cause the Padres will probably know how to play a guy who can actually hit over some douchebag (like Kelly Johnson) who's hitting .200 with 5 homers even though his hitting coach thought he should be hitting 30 this year. I never believed Kelly Johnson would hit 30 dingers but still I was hoping for more than 19 RBIs through 100 games dickhead.

And now to Girardi. I'm absolutely sick of the man. The only time I like him is when he gets thrown out of games because his veins pop out of his head and he looks like a god damn mad man but that doesn't happen anymore due to instant replay. So I hate him. He puts out a different line-up every single night because he thinks 30 year olds need rest and he thinks that since Jeter is retiring he should only play 120 games this year. Maybe if he had a consistent line-up the team would score more than 4 runs a game. I guarantee Girardi had something to do with trading Yangervis. He was such a dick to him. The guy was leading the league in batting average at one point but if he went 0 for 4 in a game all of sudden, Girardi would sit him for good ole Kelly Johnson. And everybody and their mother gets a hard on for how Girardi manages the bullpen. I've watched it for so long, and it is absolute shit. Some games he'll start mixing and matching with left handers in the 4th inning, but others he'll leave rookies in the game waaaay too long. Two days ago, you got Hiroki Kuroda a seasoned veteran throwing a gem, two outs in the 7th, no one on base and only 99 pitches, and Girardi pulls him. At least let Hirokadoke finish the 7th you dick. And then last night, you got rookie Shane Greene making his 3rd career start struggling in the 6th, two guys on base, just walked a guy, 112 pitches and Girardi leaves him in to give up the tying run. And then, he brings in his "lefty specialist" to face two lefties even though the guy has a higher batting average against for lefty hitters than righty hitters. And he gave up two hits and the game was pretty much over since the Yanks couldn't hit the pitcher with a 10.00 ERA last night.

I did like last night how the stadium was basically full on a Monday night against the worst team in the league. At the beginning of the season, some of the crowds were terrible. It felt like the old Yankee Stadium at some points during the game, like the "Derek Jeter" chants and sich. Still nothing like being at the Stadium. One of my favorite places on Earth. Death Valley might've surpassed it but I digress. It was good to see the Stadium rocking last night even though it wasn't a big game.

Well hopefully that was my one and only Yanks rant for the season but it probably won't be. I'm surprised it took this long to write this actually.

Oh I forgot, the Yanks made 6 errors last night so it was really frustrating. Sorry if anyone was upset at my tweets last night.


P.S. How do you trade this?

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Dubya Is Coming To Town!

source- There are many fans of George W. and Laura Bush in North Canaan, a place that's more rural, remote and Republican than most of Connecticut. Moreover, Bush family members have been known to drop by the town, where First Pal Roland W. Betts owns property. Lately, a lot of folks are wondering whether the Bush family will spend even more time in this town of 3,700. The talk is fueled by a recent visit by Laura Bush, combined with Betts' upgrade of one property and his purchase of another one. No one in the Bush and Betts camps is saying anything publicly about Bush plans. And First Selectman Doug Humes said he hasn't been briefed on any security concerns, though he said his sister-in-law had a nice conversation with Laura Bush three weeks ago.
Well this is the best news i've gotten in days, George W. Bush is moving to my hometown. Imagine just shooting the shit with Dubya? I'm not bringing politics into this because I don't want to be that guy. I just think he'd be a blast to hang out with. Share war stories with. Imagine some of the things he saw go down at Yale? Unreal. Plus the guy loves to hunt and we could toss around the pig skin in my backyard. Seems like it could be a dynamic duo. I'm sure there will be a lot of backlash for this blog, but tevs. It aint easy being a blogger. Anyhow, Dubya if you ever need a spot to crash when you're in town, there's a couch in the Dog Pound with your name on it bro. Beers are on me too btw. 
P.S.- I took a painting class in high school so there's another thing we have in common. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

What Do You Do When You Get Arrested? Order A Pizza. Duh.

source- CORBIN, Ky. (AP) - Police in southern Kentucky say they got a surprise delivery after charging a man with shoplifting - five pizzas showed up at the station. Officers say 29-year-old Michael Harp asked to make a call on his cellphone Tuesday afternoon while being booked in Corbin. A short time later, police say, a pizza delivery driver showed up to deliver to "Officer Wilson," the name of the officer who arrested Harp. Harp now faces additional charges including theft of identity, theft by deception, and impersonating a police officer. Jail records did not list an attorney for him.
Well that sucks. I'm pretty sure we've ALL been there when you 're drunk and all you want is some pizza. Well, I guess this guy wanted a lot of pizza but tevs. Kind of a genius move, you order pizza to the drunk tank and then all the people in there love you and boom, 10 new friends. Also- charging him for theft of identity??? That's a bit much no? Guy just wanted a pizza. Can't blame him for that. 

Very Old School Kanye Freestyle

Hey Kanye, why'd you go changing, bro? This was perfectly good. Even dropped an Alannis Morisette reference on us. I'll always stand by that I like Kanye's first two albums. Thought they were awesome. Everything after that just isn't my cup of tea besides a song here and there. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Chick Accidentally Sent a Nude to Her Dad

Screen Shot 2014-07-09 at 1.18.39 AM

So I read on Barstool this morning that this chick accidentally sent a nude to her dad. I usually don't like to re-blog about something I read on a blog and the folks over at Barstool are the best in the biz. There's nothing I could say more about the topic except for the fact that I am somewhat of an acquaintance to this girl due to a Gen Ed requirement for an English course. Barstool posted a few more pics from this girl's twitter along with a courtesy pic from her Instagram. I realized that this chick was in my English class my freshman year at Clemson. And let me put to rest any doubt that this girl actually sent the nude to her dad accidentally. She absolutely would do something like this. The girl was an athlete that was never on time, always clueless of her surroundings, never knowing what was going on and requesting to drop the class like 2 weeks before the final paper was due. There's no way this was not going to happen at some point in her life.

So that was my main point of blogging about this today, but I do have a few more caveats to add on the situation. First of all, I have no idea how I'd react to this if I were the dad. Luckily, I'm not in this situation yet but just imagining it, that has to be awful. However, based on what I know about the girl, I'm pretty surprised that her dad didn't just brush it off and be like "oh just Nyjah being Nyjah" because it's totally something you'd expect her to do. So I just wanna say kudos to the father for caring. He didn't raise her to be that way.

The second thing I want to add is that this chick is doing absolutely no good for Clemson. I know she's not the first and won't be the last chick to try to send a nude to someone but because she screwed it up, now it's all over the internet, and people are looking at her Twitter and her Instagram and it's just all Clemson attire. As a fellow student, I just want to apologize to Clemson University for her actions and let everyone else know that it's a fine institution and everyone should go here. But I also want to thank Clemson for accepting this student athlete for my sake because it's absolutely hilarious that I know who this chick is.

Thanks Barstool Sports for the original blog.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Fat Yankees Fan Caught Sleeping Now Suing Everyone

Sporting News: A New York man who was caught sleeping at a recent Yankees game against the Red Sox on ESPN is filing a $10 million defamation suit against broadcasters Dan Schulman and John Kruk for their "avalanche of disparaging words," according to the New York Post.
Andrew Robert Rector admitted that he "briefly slept" while in attending the April 13 game between the A.L. East rivals, and when ESPN cameras caught him sleeping during the fourth inning, the Sunday Night Baseball announcers launched into what he described as an "unending verbal crusade" against him, with their "vituperative utterances" redistributed on the MLB website the following day. Full Article Here

First of all, as a Yankees fan, I just want to say that this man is a disgrace to the fan base. No one should be sleeping at a Yanks/Sox game. I don't care how fat you are, how tired you are, or how much you just ate. No one should be sleeping at a game like this. Especially as early as the 4th inning. 

Secondly, really bro you're going to sue ESPN, Dan Schulman, John Kruk, the New York Yankees and the MLB because there are cameras and broadcasters at a game featuring the greatest rivalry of all time? This dude sucks on every level. Sorry Schulman and Kruky like to have a little fun in the booth. They see a fat guy (keep in mind Kruky is the fattest guy on television) and wanna poke a little fun at him for falling asleep at a great game. I love how those two went about this by the way. Absolutely owned this guy. Little did they know they'd get sued because they questioned whether the guy eating all the chicken fingers next to him was his buddy or not. They just wanna know if that guy's stealing all of this fatass's food. I bet Kruky woulda backed him in that battle. That man loves his food. I think that Kruky has earned the right to make fun of a fellow fat guy since he is indeed fat himself.

I think I can speak for all of my fellow Yankees fans in saying that we do not associate ourselves with other fans of this nature and we will do our best to see that this man is stoned to death in the middle of Times Square.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Hardo Of The Year

So I work another job as well and today I got this email. Normally I just get a lot of business emails, run of the mill stuff. This was a HUGE curve ball. Threw a wrench into my day. It's too funny not to share. I included all the good parts of the email, it was really about double the length of this.

Subject: Please Read 
Hey gang,

I didn't quite know how to start off this email. I didn't want to send an email that seemed too clingy, but I didn't want to send an email that made it look like I don't care or didn't put time and effort into what I write. So I guess we'll see how this goes. As for the subject line, I thought that there was no better way to address it. Who isn't going to open an email that says "Please Read"?
Since your every-day emails probably aren’t too enthralling, I thought I’d tell you a bit about myself. (Wait, that sounded kind of narcissistic. I don't think I'm some hotshot, I promise).
Anyway, I guess there would be a lot to cover about me, but I'll give you three or four main points of interest of the boy from Michigan.
1. I will be attending Michigan State University this fall to study Chemical Engineering
It was a tough decision (I applied to 17 schools, but who's counting?), but I decided that it was a good fit because it was close to home. Other schools I was in serious consideration to were Ohio State, University of Wisconsin-Madison, University of Minnesota - Twin Cities, University of Michigan, and Notre Dame. Unfortunately UMich and ND decided they had enough quality students on their plate already and gave me the thumbs down. But hey, nothing stopping me from applying next year, right? 
3. I enjoy swimming (and I used to be fat)
I swam throughout elementary school for the fierce Midland Dolphins club, but took hiatus through grades 6, 7, and 8. Freshman year, for whatever reason, I decided to pick it back up on the high school team. This played a big role for me - I met some awesome friends and built strong connections that will, undoubtedly, last through my college career. As for the fat part, swimming (and running) played a huge part in my, well let's say "transformation". I was a more than chubby kid. At football weigh-ins going into sixth grade, I came in at 149.5 pounds. The limit was 150. Keep in mind, I just turned 12 and was still around the 4'10" mark. It was bad. But the summer going into my junior year, I decided that enough was enough. I stopped letting myself use excuses and got up to exercise that summer. I lost a bunch of weight - in the 30, 35 pound realm - and got countless double takes when I came back to school that September. Here's a high school transformation picture. Yes, I blossomed. (9th grade top left, 10th top right, 11th bottom left, and senior year bottom right).
Inline image 3
 I hope you like pictures, because here comes number four. This is a crowd favorite - my 10th birthday during the summer going into fourth grade.
 Inline image 5
 Wow, that was a lot more than I had planned on typing hahaha. I hope I didn't waste too much of your time! Anyway, I know that some companies reach out to customers and send a grab bag or care package. I was wondering if you guys do anything like that with your customers. I felt like it couldn't hurt to ask. 

Is it just me or is this completely off the wall? I spent about 7 hours today trying to wrap my head around it. He literally gave me his whole life story. Bro, I know more about you than I do me. I'm glad he didn't want to look like he didn't care about what he was writing, he certainly accomplished that. 300%.

So lets start off with #1, you applied to SEVENTEEN schools? Jesus. Just a tad bit aggressive, no? Also I feel like he's basically just trying to brag here about all these schools. At least he's not afraid to try again next year and apply to the schools that declined him. If we can tell anything about this bro, he has a lot of determination. respect.

#2 You used to be fat, but what do I care? I'm fat now but I don't consider that an interesting fact about myself. I feel like there could be a million other fun facts he could have shared about himself, but nah he just chose to tell me he's fat. Also did you see him describe his pee-wee football team as "fierce"? A biiiiiit much, wouldn't ya say? I'm sure you crushed all those 10 year olds, bro. Also love how he told me about how he used to be a  huge swimmer (no pun intended) then quit and then picked it up again. As if I needed to know that. But once again, if he has anything, it's determination.

I honestly can't tell if I'm getting trolled here or if he's legit? Either way it gave me a real interesting wednesday, and I applaud him for that.

P.S. I sent the kid a care package just so I didn't look like a dick, I mean he did share his life story with me... It's the least I could do.

Rockets Put Melo Banner on their Arena in Jeremy Lin's Jersey

View image on Twitter

NY Post: "The paths of Carmelo Anthony and Jeremy Lin have crossed again, and it’s led to another indignity for the former Knicks point guard once known as “Linsanity.’’
When Anthony arrived at Toyota Center for his free-agent visit with Houston on Wednesday morning, large images of Anthony in a white Rockets jersey with the number 7 decorated the exterior of the arena.
The bitter irony: Lin currently wears No. 7 for the Rockets."
Am I the only one who doesn't care about Jeremy Lin? I'm totally on Houston's side on this one. SportsCenter can tweet that this is breaking news and all that nonsense but this really isn't a big deal. What are they supposed to put up there, #15 which he hasn't worn in 4 years? Some random number? I mean let's be honest, what's Jeremy Lin gonna do if Melo signs with Houston and he wants to wear #7? Absolutely nothing. He's gonna give the jersey to Melo because he's actually good. Melo isn't some guy who had two weeks of good basketball in his career. If Melo wants a number, he'll get it. I'm glad Houston did this because it's about time someone didn't give a shit about Jeremy Lin. Must hurt that it's his own team that's finally letting him know that no one cares about him.

Rough First Day Of Free Agency Frenzy For The Bruins

I was amazed hearing the news that Jarome Iginla was leaving the Bruins. From everything I had heard I thought Iggy would be in the spoked B for a while. He was constantly saying how much he loved the city of Boston and how happy his family was. Obviously the organization was delighted with Iggy's season, he's a 30+ goal scorer and they were paying him next to nothing. I guess I should have seen the writing on the walls with this one. I was kind of surprised he was going to the Avalanche, I don't see them as a cup contender quite yet. 

We've known for a while now that Thorty wouldn't be a Bruin next season, I guess it hurts to now see that it is official. It will definitely be weird to see him in a Panthers jersey next season. He is guaranteed a great response when he comes back to Boston next season. I think he'll be a Bruin forever at heart. 

This also isn't a huge surprise. Johnson had a great season as a back up and I kind of figured they wouldn't be able to keep him. I think he has the potential to be a starter next season for the Islanders. He might be the goalie they have been looking for all this years.