Hardo Of The Year

So I work another job as well and today I got this email. Normally I just get a lot of business emails, run of the mill stuff. This was a HUGE curve ball. Threw a wrench into my day. It's too funny not to share. I included all the good parts of the email, it was really about double the length of this.

Subject: Please Read 

Hey gang,

I didn't quite know how to start off this email. I didn't want to send an email that seemed too clingy, but I didn't want to send an email that made it look like I don't care or didn't put time and effort into what I write. So I guess we'll see how this goes. As for the subject line, I thought that there was no better way to address it. Who isn't going to open an email that says "Please Read"?

Since your every-day emails probably aren’t too enthralling, I thought I’d tell you a bit about myself. (Wait, that sounded kind of narcissistic. I don't think I'm some hotshot, I promise).

 

Anyway, I guess there would be a lot to cover about me, but I'll give you three or four main points of interest of the boy from Michigan.

 

1. I will be attending Michigan State University this fall to study Chemical Engineering

It was a tough decision (I applied to 17 schools, but who's counting?), but I decided that it was a good fit because it was close to home. Other schools I was in serious consideration to were Ohio State, University of Wisconsin-Madison, University of Minnesota - Twin Cities, University of Michigan, and Notre Dame. Unfortunately UMich and ND decided they had enough quality students on their plate already and gave me the thumbs down. But hey, nothing stopping me from applying next year, right? 

3. I enjoy swimming (and I used to be fat)

I swam throughout elementary school for the fierce Midland Dolphins club, but took hiatus through grades 6, 7, and 8. Freshman year, for whatever reason, I decided to pick it back up on the high school team. This played a big role for me - I met some awesome friends and built strong connections that will, undoubtedly, last through my college career. As for the fat part, swimming (and running) played a huge part in my, well let's say "transformation". I was a more than chubby kid. At football weigh-ins going into sixth grade, I came in at 149.5 pounds. The limit was 150. Keep in mind, I just turned 12 and was still around the 4'10" mark. It was bad. But the summer going into my junior year, I decided that enough was enough. I stopped letting myself use excuses and got up to exercise that summer. I lost a bunch of weight - in the 30, 35 pound realm - and got countless double takes when I came back to school that September. Here's a high school transformation picture. Yes, I blossomed. (9th grade top left, 10th top right, 11th bottom left, and senior year bottom right).

 I hope you like pictures, because here comes number four. This is a crowd favorite - my 10th birthday during the summer going into fourth grade.

 

 Wow, that was a lot more than I had planned on typing hahaha. I hope I didn't waste too much of your time! Anyway, I know that some companies reach out to customers and send a grab bag or care package. I was wondering if you guys do anything like that with your customers. I felt like it couldn't hurt to ask. 

Is it just me or is this completely off the wall? I spent about 7 hours today trying to wrap my head around it. He literally gave me his whole life story. Bro, I know more about you than I do me. I'm glad he didn't want to look like he didn't care about what he was writing, he certainly accomplished that. 300%.

So lets start off with #1, you applied to SEVENTEEN schools? Jesus. Just a tad bit aggressive, no? Also I feel like he's basically just trying to brag here about all these schools. At least he's not afraid to try again next year and apply to the schools that declined him. If we can tell anything about this bro, he has a lot of determination. respect.

#2 You used to be fat, but what do I care? I'm fat now but I don't consider that an interesting fact about myself. I feel like there could be a million other fun facts he could have shared about himself, but nah he just chose to tell me he's fat. Also did you see him describe his pee-wee football team as "fierce"? A biiiiiit much, wouldn't ya say? I'm sure you crushed all those 10 year olds, bro. Also love how he told me about how he used to be a  huge swimmer (no pun intended) then quit and then picked it up again. As if I needed to know that. But once again, if he has anything, it's determination.

I honestly can't tell if I'm getting trolled here or if he's legit? Either way it gave me a real interesting wednesday, and I applaud him for that.

P.S. I sent the kid a care package just so I didn't look like a dick, I mean he did share his life story with me... It's the least I could do.