Wednesday, May 6, 2015

72 Year Old West Virginian Man Busted For Selling Meth Energy Drinks Out of His Tree Fort

SourceBoone County resident, Jasper June, 72, was arrested today on felony charges of manufacturing and distributing homemade “energy drinks” containing the powerful stimulate methamphetamine. The Boone County drug task force raided June’s tree fort (June lives in 200 sq. ft. tree fort on his brother’s property) to find Jasper wearing only an adult diaper and reading an Arabic pornographic magazine. 

Police seized approximately 25 2 liter bottles of June’s “energy drink” found in a cinder block pump house on the property. The bottles tested positive for methamphetamine.
June came under suspicion when he sold four bottles to several high school girls who hours later were checked into a hospital with internal bleeding. The children’s parents phoned authorities.
A police report contained several statements from June:
“They’re just energy drinks like Rockstar or Monster. It’s not meth in there. It’s just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn’t put meth in there.”
Customers would come to June’s home to buy the energy drinks for $20 per bottle. One customer spoke on the condition of anonymity:
“I’m shocked Jasper put crank in his energy drinks. I didn’t know nothing about that. I just knew they worked good to keep me awake for a couple days. Stuff way better than Monster [energy drink].”
Hours after June’s first statement, he confessed:
“Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they’ll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle.”
June also faces child endangerment charges for ‘poisoning’ the girls who drank his homemade concoction.

This guy is absolutely AWESOME. I think this is the greatest story I've ever heard. The guy is 72 years old and living in a fucking tree fort in West Virginia selling energy drinks with meth and gasoline in them. Are you kidding me?! And the fact that he was wearing ONLY a diaper when he got arrested is so fucking outrageous. And looking at an Arabian porno magazine too?! Holy shit, this guy's got it all. Imagine if your life was living in a tree fort, selling meth energy drinks, and jerking off to Arabian porn all day? That's a pretty amazing life if you ask me. What do you have to worry about (besides getting caught because you almost killed three high school chicks)? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're 72 years old and you don't give a fuck about anything. I just picture this guy sitting in cum filled diapers drinking some of his homemade meth energy drink going to town on himself for days on end because he doesn't sleep. Jasper fucking June. One of America's true heroes. 

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